We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
