At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
