my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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