I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
