Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
