I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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