oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize