Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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