i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
