I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
