so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
