OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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