Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
