let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
