her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
