Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
