By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
