The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
