Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
