Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
