Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
