Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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