I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
