i already hear my dad disowning me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
