alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
