I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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