Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
