if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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