so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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