I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
