Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
