You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
