Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
