Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
