I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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