i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
