you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
