My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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