If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
