o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
