I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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