the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
