i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
