You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
