I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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