Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
