So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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