somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
