Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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