she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
