Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
