i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
