I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wanna go halves on a baby?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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