shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
