You work out of a Hotel?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
