i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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