fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
