i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
