I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
