I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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