i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
