I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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